25 Reasons Why i love my mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

 

2. My mother taught me  RELIGION. 
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.' 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next  week!'  

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 
' Because I said so, that's why.' 

5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 
'If you  fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me.' 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident'  

7. My mother taught me IRONY 
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.' 

8.. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'    or     'You can cut that out lad, or you'll be smiling on the other side of your face in a minute.'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.' 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER . 
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' 

12. My mother taught me about  HYPOCRISY. 
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times.. Don't exaggerate!' 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE. 
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.' 

14.. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. 
'Stop acting like your father!' 

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' 

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 
'Just wait until we get home.'  

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . 
'You are going to get it when you get home!' 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL  SCIENCE. 
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way.' 

19. My mother taught me ESP. 
'Put your sweater on; don't  you think I know when you are cold?' 

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.. 
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.' 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN  ADULT 
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.' 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 
'You're just like your father.'   

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'  

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
'When you get to be my age,  you'll understand.' 

25 And my favourite: 
 My mother taught me about JUSTICE 
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope  they turn out just like you. 
__._,_.___ 

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

 Law of Mechanical Repair  After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.   Law of Gravity  Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.  Law of Probability  The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.  Law of Random Numbers  If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.  Law of the Alibi  If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.  Variation Law  If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)  Law of the Bath  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.   Law of Close Encounters  The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.  Law of the Result  When you try to pro ve to someone that a machine won't work, it will.  Law of Biomechanics  The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.  Law of the Theater  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.  The Starbucks Law  As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.  Murphy's Law of Lockers  If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.  Law of Physical Surfaces  The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.  Law of Logical Argument  Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.  Brown's Law of Physical Appearance  If the shoe f its, it's ugly.  Oliver's Law of Public Speaking  A closed mouth gathers no feet.   Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy  As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.  Doctors' Law  If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.