Laugh it out...

Few hymns for those who speed on the highway

45mph…………………God Will Take Care of You
65mph…………………Nearer My God To Thee
85mph…………………This World Is Not My Home
95mph…………………Lord, I’m Coming Home
100mph……………….Precious Memories

Tanzia Nazm "Urdish"

Khat mila hai mujhe Urdu ki kisee mahfil meN
PaRhke ranjoor hoa Tees si uThTheee dil meN

Khat men mauSoof ne likhkha hai mujhe "how are you"
HaiN woh ik ahl-e suKhan unki zubaaN hai Urdu

Aage likhkha hai keh kyooN mujhe peh hai sustee ka "blame"
Aap maSroof haiN aur maiN bhi yahaN 'all the same"

Ap ne ek ghazal "send" jo ki thee parsoN
MaiN ne dou baar "really"woh paRhee thee parsoN

Oos ka har sher mujhe "best" nazar aata hai
"Heart" meN seedha harik sher utar jata hai

Aapke sheroN meN insaan ki "feeling" hai nihaaN
Jo bhi kahte haiN bahut Khoob hai Zawaid miyaN

Waise har she'r ki "reading" se hi aata hai maza
MaiN ne per Matla.o.Maqte ko bahut "like" kiya

"I swear" aapke sheroN ka hai andaz "superb"
"Really" aap ki hai fikr ki perwaaz "superb"

Aapki ghazaloN se milta hai mire "heart" ko chain
"Send again and again and again and again"

Khat ko paRhte hi raha josh ka mere nah hisaab
Main ne bhi likh diya unki hi zubaaN meN yeh jawab

"Thanks" keh aap ne ashAAr mire "like" kiye
Mere "couplets" pazeeraai ke qabil to nah the

"Weldone" aap ne kah kar mire tAAreef jo ki
Is se himmat miree kuch aur baRhee aur baRhee

Miree har fikr thee sada mira har sher sapaT
Aap ne phir bhi kiya "like" unheN "thanks a lot"

Intelligent Humour #1

Joke: What Is Your Business Sign?

Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business Sign?

1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that engineers place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5. ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person" that profits from the success of others, most people who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term "GO POSTAL".

HR

After 10 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no recommendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain. Manager:- How many days are there in a year? Man:- 365 days and some times 366 Manager:- how many hours make up a day? Man:- 24 hours Manager:- How long do you work in a day? Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day. Manager:- S! o, what fraction of the day do you work in hours? Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third) Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days? Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days) Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends? Man:- No sir Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends? Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have? Man:- 18 days. Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining? Man:- 4 days Manager:- Do you work on New Year day? Man:- No sir! Manager! :- Do you come to work on workers day? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- 2 days sir! Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- 1 day sir! Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- None sir! Manager:- So, what are you claiming? Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days. Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!   HR=HIGH RISK

A-Z of Life

A--Accept Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.   B--Break Away Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.   C--Create Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.   D--Decide Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.   E--Explore Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give.. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.   F--Forgive Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.   G--Grow Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.   H--Hope Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.   I--Ignore Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.   J--Journey Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.   K--Know Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.   L--Love Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.   M--Manage Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.   N--Notice Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.   O--Open Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.   P--Play Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.   Q--Question Ask many questions, because you're here to learn. R--Relax Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.   S--Share Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.   T--Try Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.   U--Use Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.   V--Value Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.   W--Work Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.   X--X-Ray Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.   Y--Yield Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.   Z--Zoom Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.